Ready but not....

It's hit me, I'm starting to feel it, the itch! I'm ready for baby #2!! Well mostly.

There are days when I look at L and I just want him, I don't want to give a single second of my limited time with him away. And then I think of my sisters and I, we are so close, I want that for him as well.

So while my heart and mind (mostly) are ready my life is not. This makes me SAD.

I want my kids to be relatively close in age, around 3 years apart, which means this is something we need to seriously start thinking about. However, Les and I have our rough moments. Never do I doubt we won't be OK, I know we will, but I wonder if we shoudl perhaps work on things more before adding more stress (which a pregnany & baby can be). We need to work on helping eachother and doing a better job of keeping the house, cooking meals, etc. But part of me says that because marriages and relationships are constantly evolving there will ALWAYS be work, a marriage is afterall WORK!

There really are 2 main things that Les and I agree are a hurdle we most overcoem before TTC. (Money COULD be on this list, but again we could always use more money, we do OK and never have to worry about if we can provide, so I think in this economy thats pretty good!)

1-my sisters wedding! She is getting married in November and while I actually think I look better pregnant then not *its sersiously true! I am worried I will have complications and end up on bedrest like I did last time. My sister lives over 16 hrs away and counts on me greatly to help. We intially thought we would consider TTC after or around her wedding, but issue #2 interferes with this plan!

2-school. I know I will be welcoming #2 while persuign my Masters. I am so blessed that the program I am taking is accomodating (I have heard new mama's often bring their newborns to class & nurse right there!) and since i am part time it will only be 1 class a week, which is doable ( I hope!) even with 2 little ones?! If we wait to TTC until after my sister's wedding (Nov/Dec) that would make me due in July/August, and then I would start school in September, just weeks later! We are thinking it may be wiser for me to aim for a due date of May/June. Which would give me 2 or 3 classes under my belt as well as the entire summer off with my little ones before starting school again.

This gives us a lot to think of! For now I am getting ready to start my first course (I have to retake a statistics course that is outdated from my degree) and we will see how well we manage before making too many decisions! Its exciting and scary all at once!

I hope I'm not taking on too much here!

And since this post was long and rantish, here are a few pics of my little man.

We have been LOVING this weather! L plays outside HARD with the neighbourhood kids in the evening, he rides his electric scooter, runs, jumps etc. When bedtime comes he is exhausted, one night he actually fell asleep while I was doign up his sleeper!!

Look at these smiles! He asks to go outside ALL the time now! We are going to be super busy this summer and I LOVE it!

Big Boy Room!

Bedtime at our house has started to be a real joy! Really! Logan goes to sleep so well these days! We have a pretty solid routine down, although I am SO thankful that our boy is super flexible and also does awesome if out late, or sleeping at grandma's, with a babysitter etc. He really is a joy theses days, a busy joy but a true joy!

If you remember we moved L into a toddler bed back in October. He did OK with this transition but has always preferred the big double bed in the playroom. And so I decided not to fight it, that would be his room one days anyways. And he doesn't wake up and play in the night anymore either!!

We don't have a set bedtime, I follow his ques, usually between 8&9pm he goes down. I tell him its time for "nah nahs" and to give daddy a kiss. He runs over and kisses Les and then takes my hand and we go to his room. Sometimes he even coesm and asks me to put him to bed by pulling on my hand and saying nah. So we go down the hall and he climbs into bed.....he looks like this!

He MUST have his baby and "Buddy" which is BOTH Woody and Buzz dolls. He also needs his "B" which is his train blanket and his guk. Strangely he doesn't carry any of these items around during the day, and he settles OK at my mom's with a different set of items but at home he asks for these! Then we read 3 book picuted above in the same order each night! The first one was a gift from a great friend, its called "bedtime" I think its really helped with our bedtime routine! Its talks abotu how bedtime is a happy time and how your safe and snug in bed etc. Then we read "mommy's best kisses" which just a really sweet and cute book and then I say "mommy is reading one more book then we are turning out the lights and going to sleep". I read the ever popular "goodnight moon" and then turn out the light. We then say our prayers and I sing 2 lullabyes. I do stay with him until he is asleep, I sit beside him and rub his back or hold his hand. The whole "process" from when we enter the room to me leaving is about 20 minutes, and they are precious. I am so grateful for this time with him each night!

Rarely he sleeps the entire night by himself without waking. Some nights I go in and give him hsi guk and he settles (not sure HOW we are ever going to part with that!!). many nights one of us ends up falling asleep with him while settling him in the night, and sometimes he comes into our room. This is rare, but I cherish mornings with the 3 of us snuggled in bed!!

We have decided that for L's 2nd birthday (in LESS then 4 months!) we will re-do his big boy room. I was going to wait until the basement was finished (in a few years) so that we could move the toys downstairs, but we decided to go ahead with it. We will be using his nursery furniture and so the nursery (which will be left the same decor or baby #2) will be pretty much empty, so we will move his toys into there for now. And if baby #2 comes before the basement is done he or she will be in with us for the first while anyways!

I have started to pick up items for L's room and below is the idea board for his room. I bought the bedding shown for a great price. We are just going with a classic boy theme, sports, cars, planes, trains, etc. The walls will be a light blue with one striped wall behind his bed. I am happy with the feel of everything so far and can't wait to get really working on it! Any ideas to add?

Disney Live!

I've been working on this post forever! Trying to catch up (on this and MANY other areas in my life) before chaos sets in!

Back in January we brought Logan to see Disney Live! We really debated about whether or not it was worth the money, him being so young. We are so glad we went! What a great family day!

Here are Les & Logan at the start of the show, I can't tell who was more excited! ha

Mama and her boy! His eyes were glued to the stage!!
He was so excited he stood in front of us and was jumping up and down!

Enjoying a little popcorn snack during the show!

Mickey & Minnie of course were there!

And Logan's absolute FAVOURITE right now Woody, Jessie, and Buzz!!! He kept saying "Buddy" his word for both Woody and Buzz!

At the end of the show he signed for "more"

Our happy little family!

Scared, nervous, excited??

Well my friends, its official, I'm going back to school!

Eeek, I have no idea how I feel about this!! I mean of course I am happy,

its what I wanted (I think!) I will be doing my Masters of Science in Nursing.

I hope that thru the struggles that I am sure are ahread I can keep my eye on the prize,

and these sweet smiles along the way should help!

Of course I am scared. Its going to be hard. I am going to need my husbands support more then ever. I will still be working 2-3 12 hour shifts a week, in addition to school.

I plan on writing my thesis on the effects of community supports on the success of breastfeeding.

I feel like now is the time, its not going to get easier as L gets older or when we add more little ones to the family. So I should get started now.
My goal in the end? Well, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps teaching, perhaps public health? I am just positive that this will open doors in the future.
My big picture goal is that by the time L is in full day school I have a Monday-Friday day job. I can't miss weekends, and holidays and bedtime forever.

Our test run starts in May, I have to "upgrade" a basic stats course. I took it in 1st year, but because that was over 5 years ago it must be redone. I will be in school 2 days a week. This is going to be a juggle! L will be going to daycare more often, and hopefully now that his "asthma" is under control we can avoid more illness! I really hope I have made the right decision for our family. A "sign" that I have seems to have come receantly, my work changed their tuition assistance policy. they now will pay $1000 per course, up to 5 courses a year. My tuition is $1200 per course. I can also apply for additional assistance from my professional organization, this means that I will practically be going to school for free!

We have many more exciting things coming up! Hope to update soon!

Rough Patch

We are going thru a bit of a hard time lately. I'm exhuasted, stressed, working a lot and trying, mostly unsuccessfully to juggle it all. Les and I love eachother very much but we are fighting almost constantly. I feel unsupported and he won't talk about how he feels.
L is so so busy, he is not sleeping well and is beign whiney and clingy during the day. I feel like I just can't do it all. I'm sure this too will pass, and i have some ideas on how to make things better, but could really use some prayers right now!

My life long struggle

I have struggled with my weight since puberty. As a child I was thin, it was never soemthign I worried about. Perhaps because of our active lifestyle (we didn't have a car until I was in the 6th grade!) and our lack of money that led to healthier eating!? Who knows.

Around grade 8, I was about 13 I started gaining weight. I actually had to go out and buy a second graduation dress because my first purchase became to tight in the months leading up to graduation. This is when I began to diet. I have "dieted" off and on ever since.

There have been times I have been succesful, in grade 9 I slimmed down, I was a healthy weight. And then in grade 10 after a "bad" break up I decided to lose, I became obsessed. I had a problem. I never admitted it, I'm not even sure that at the time I realized what I was doing was so unhealthy. I ate little, no breakfast ever. At school I ate lunch, usually veggies or soup. I worked out, at night I purged and then often made myself sick. I made myself to crunches for every pound I weighed. At the time this was about 125 crunches, on my 5'3" frame this was a healthy weight. It quickly fell to about 105.

Thats what I weighed when I started dating Les. I wore a size 0 jeans from the Gap. I was tiny. I looked so petite. I loved it. I finally felt cute and yet not confident, I was always so unsure of myself. It didn't last. A few years later in grade 12 I remember I all of a sudden realized how "Fat" I had become. We were planning a trip to Acapulco, our entire class. I had to lose weight. I remember how devestated I was shoppign for clothes and them being a size 7. I weighed about 130 lbs and I was disgusted. I got some weight off again, but never got as small as I had, or as small as I wanted to be.

I tried everything, crash diets, shakes, weight watchers. But I have always goen back to terrible habits and emotional eating. My weight has largely fluctuated all of my adult life.

Fast forward to University, the weight continued to go up and down, I did some herbal diet that was successful up until when I stopped and gained it all back. In 2005 I went to Sweden on exchange, I left here weighing my heaviest ever (at the time) of around 170 lbs.

Whiel in Sweden I was SO lonely. I worked out a healthy amount everyday and cooked good whole foods, I came home about 20lbs lighter. I felt good, I was happy to be home, and the weight came back slowly.

In 2006 when I got engaged I was unhappy an in the 160s. I deicded to join weight watchers and to start moving, I had success, healthy succes, here is Les and I just prior to our engagement party, Spring 2007. Les had lost 70lbs himself in this same time that I last about 15 or 20.

Somehow, again I let the weight coem back. And months before my wedding was devestated to learn my wedding dress did not fit. Every brides night mare!

With the help of a personal trainer, and healthy eating I lost 20 lbs and got down to about 150 and fit into my dress. You would think I would learn at some point.

And yet in the 6 months after my wedding I managed to gain about 30lbs. As did Les.

December 2008 I got pregnant and weighed 188lbs, my highest weight ever.

July 2009 Logan was born, I weighed 204 lbs. I was disgusted.

At my 6 week post partum check up I weighed exaclty what I did when I got pregnant, I can't blame L for this! I joined weight watchers Fall 2009 half heartedly, I worked out and did manage to lose about 10 or 15 lbs. And then I stopped, and the weight came back.

This is Les and I this past fall, I hate how we look. I am ready (finally hopefully forever) to change. I am hoping that L is my strongest motivator ever. I am sick of hating picutes, of hating myself. I want to have energy for my boy.

But it goes beyond that. Both my Maternal and Paternal grandmothers are morbidly obese (I am talking 300-400 lbs) this scares me. Les and his family members have similarly struggled with their weight. Poor L has crappy genes. I have to at least give him healthy lifestyle habits and lead by example. We all deserve it.

I have once again (FOR THE LAST TIME!!) joined weight watchers. My work offered the program, I got a great deal ($200 for 22 weeks!) and the fees are taken right off my payroll.

I started 2 weeks ago, I love the new program! I weighed in at 188.8 lbs on week one. Today I am at 182.8, thats a 6 lbs loss in 2 weeks! We have all been eating much healthy, its becoming a way of life.

As soon as the warm weather hits I'm adding exercise to the plan. I deserve this, and most importantly so does L!

If you made it this far, thanks. I will keep you updated as I continue on my journey!

Great Expectations

I know, I should be ashamed! Ha Life is crazy, and yet its no excuse. We just have SO much going on, and too think very soon its going to be even crazier (nope not #2! Just work/school, etc).

I have so many blog posts started that I haven't finished and so many blog ides in my head that I haven't gotten out....

Mr. Logan is 19 months old!

He is full of fun and curiousity and he is super indpendent! he wants to do everything himself, even things he can't do!

He wants to pick out his own clothes and attempt to dress himself!

He feeds himself and even likes to get his plate and bowl from his drawer and set the table!

He is talking a lot more these days and starting to really converse.

He is IN LOVE with Toy Story and refers to the movie (any of the 3), Woody and Buzz all as "Buddy" he asks for it constantly. He carries a Woody and/or buddy doll everywhere and sleeps with them as well.

He has a baby doll that he loves on, and sleeps with. I love this and am totally happy that my boy can be so nurturing. He shares his blankets and even his beloved "guk" (pacifier) with it!

He is getting into a lot of trouble these days just because of his curiousity and strong will!

He is super affectionate and cuddly.

He sleeps in a big boy bed. We have established a good bedtime routine and it goes really smoothly, he sleeps alone at least half if not more of the night, one of us often end up in there before morning, or early morning, which we are fine with.

Here are a ew photos from this week!

Logan dressed himself! he is obsessed with boots and wants to wear them everyday!

Climbing, he climbs everything!

Naptime, you can see baby is right beside him and Buddy isn't too far away!

I wanted to write a little bit about parenting. As I have said before I don't feel that I follow a particular philosophy, I do what feels right to us.
I have been reading other mommy blogs and speaking with some RL mommy friends and I realized something. I think we should EXPECT great things of our children, and perhaps we will just give them the opportunity to surprise us (hopefully pleasently).
This came about when I was talkign about Logan's current love of salad (seriously what kid LOVES salad, he does!) and she asked how he eats it. I answered "with a fork" since he indepdently feeds himself with cutlery at each meal (it can get messy but he and I wouldn't have it any other way). She told me she felt her son (4 days older then L) could not feed himself, that she spoon feeds him baby food 3 times a day still and offers small finger foods such as cheerios as a snack. I am not criticizing here, please dont' read it that way-and if your LO is still spoon fed thats OK if it works for you. But I said to her what if you just tried it, handed him a spoon you may be surprised.
I have decided to take on this mind set. I expect L (within reason) to make good decisions and have good behaviours. To go to bed on time (after his stories and lullabies). Often I can directly relate his "bad" behaviours with him being overtired, hungry etc, often situations that we created for him.
I hope this works into potty training this summer as well!
We have been doing time outs for some time and when placed in time out (at times i even "send him" and he just goes and sits) he will pout, but usually not cry, he sits for a minute and then I talk to him and he says sorry and hugs me. It really redirects his behaviours quickly.
Last night he had his first time out at a restuarant and it went well, no tears, just some puting followed by a hug and a refreshed well behaved L at the table! I was so proud!

Lastly, today is my birthday! I am 28! We aren't doing anything too special, just being a family and enjoying a pancake dinner!
I have started WW and hope to update this week about it!