Its amazing how your thoughts & plans change once you actually become a mommy. There are so many things I thought I would or would not do that I am now starting to question. I suppose that is where the saying "I was a perfect parent before I had children" came from. I have this intense feeling of wanting to give Logan everything he needs physically, emotionally & spiritually to be the most amazing person that I know he can be. There are still many things I feel the same way about, but some pretty big things I am questioning. I am going to write about how I am feeling, partially to get it down and figure out exactly what I think about it and partially to get input & advice from other mommies and mommies to be. Receantly I have been seeing a lot about "attachment parenting", I find I agree with many of these principles, however I am not comfortabel with defining our parenting style. I want to be flexible, I want us to continue to learn as we go & to do things according to our & Logan's needs; which are constantly changing.
I always knew I would breastfeed, this was a huge priority to me. Before I had Logan I thought I would be relatively relaxed about it. I don't believe in nipple confusion, I would give him & encourage a pacifier and I woudl give bottles. These bottles may be expressed breast milk or they may be formula. I even bought said formula with coupons & sales while I was pregnant. Well now that Logan is here I am still relatively relaxed, I think thats why the breastfeeding is going so well. He does take a pacifier, this was intiated in hospital & I am glad for that. He has taken exactly 4 bottles since we have been home from the hospital. These were all EBM. I do not want him to have formula. I am shocked that I feel this way. I didn't expect to love and enjoy breastfeeding the way I do. I didn't expect to SEE in his face how much my baby enjoys it, its such a special time for us. I want him to continue taking bottles occassionally but hope to continue breastfeeding for a full year.
We intended on "co-sleeping" as in having Logan sleep in his bassinet in our room. In fact, I was not comfortable with bed-sharing or family beds. Not that I am against these in general, I think each family needs to do what works for them & what makes htem all healthy & happy. Which brings me to where we are currently, we have a baby in bed with us. I was always adamant this would not happen, because babies in bed turn into toddlers & children in bed, which I still do not want FOR US. However, Logan seems to want & need to be near us. I think this makes sense, we offer so much comfort, we are all they know from the womb. He sleeps better & longer when he is next to me. I sleep better to as I find I am drowsing during nursing sessions in bed. That all beign said, this scares me, I am so fearful, all I think of it what I tell my patients (what the hospital tells us to say) bedsharing=SIDS. I have done my own reading & research and now KNOW that in exclusively, on demand breast fed babies it is very safe, especially if you take precautions, which we do. We have a King size bed, there is plenty of room. For now we are bedsharing, for how long? I don't know we will decide when we get there, I am thinking probably 3-6 months, once he starts sleeping longer we plan on transitioning him to his room with a bedtime routine.
Being in the medical profession I think we know too much. I dont' think I thought this out much before Logan was born but I am not at all comfortable wiht him around a lot of people. I love for my family & friends to see him, but even with them they MUST wash their hands before they hold him. Also I dont' like a lot of children around him. My sister says I am "anal", if so then thats fine. The flu & RSV and many other illnesses can be fatal to babies under 6 months. Logan is especially at risk because he was born premature. I know I can't keep him in a bubble & honeslty I am not trying to, however I think I should do what I can to protect him. I like to think I will be more relaxed about these things as he grows but I am not gauranteeing that!
Thats really all I can think of at the moment, its good to have gotten it down. For now I think I will just continue to go with the flow. I am not comforming to one particular style or theory. I want to be open & flexible for Logan, I want to do only what works for us. I just want to be the best mother I can, my beautiful son deserves nothing less.