Friday, August 27, 2010

Night time parenting

Have you seen this ad for mirena? It makes me laugh. I mean if this was your sleeping situation would you really need birth control? HA!

Those of you who know me IRL or have read my blog for sometime know that we have been on again off again cosleepers/bedsharers for sometime. I talked here about how much this decision surprised me. The before baby me said this would NEVER happen, and yet it has felt so natural to me. Its funny how that happens. We got to a point several times where the cosleeping was no longer working and so we transitioned, one way or another to the crib and that worked well for those times as well. So where are we now?

Prior to the big changes that have occured in the last month Logan was back to an awesome sleep routine (with the help of Ferber). He was going to sleep on his on about 8pm and sleeping thru till about 7am, without waking up! Then he would nap in his crib about twice a day for 1-2 &1/2 hours at a time. It was amazing.

Being back at work everything is a bit chaotic, to say the least. We haven't worked out a great routine, and I am not sure when we will. I work part time, this means my shcedule is ever changing, there is nothing predictable about it. Logan has gone from mama 24/7 to mama being gone for days at a time. Since Les and I both work shift work there are many times where we have had to leave Logan with my mom for DAYS. Like right now, he went to daycare all day yesterday and my mom picked him up after work, he slept there last night and again tonight and Les will pick him up tomorrow when he wakes up in the afternoon and I won't see him till later tomorrow night, if he is still up when I get home.

Logan LOVES my mom, he cries more when she leaves then I do (sadly). I know he is happy there, I know he is safe and loved and well cared for. However I am sure its still a little confusing for him, he must wonder why he is there and where I went. He doesn't sleep awesome there, he sleeps in the pack and play and I don't feel like its comfortable enough for him. I am in the process of trying to get a crib for there.

However, despite the changes at my mom's he still was sleeping well here, until he got sick. Les and I took turns sleeping with him. He only slept in small spurts between crying (this coincided with Tylenol dosages). His fever was so high and his breathing so laboured that we were terrified to let him out of out sight. In the hospital I signed a waiver allowing him to sleep in a bed with me because the metal cage like crib scared him.

Since we have been home we have found some middle ground. He goes to sleep at bedtime on his own with little to no struggle. He wakes up sometime in the night, usually between 12 & 2 and we take him in our bed. And we all sleep. I could probably rock and comfort him and get him back in his crib but I haven't tried.

Les and I admitted to eachother that we love having him share our bed. There is nothing like his little body snuggled between us, he fawns out and he puts a hand on each of us and smiles as he closes his eyes. He clearly feels such a sense of comfort and peace from us. We can give him that, how could we deny it? Is it parental guilt that has brought us here? We leave him for 13 hrs, for days, he goes from daycare to gramma's, he MUST miss us, we certainly miss him. Perhaps he craves that extra love, even if it is given in our sleep.

I have talked to a lot of other mama's with littles like Logan and bigger school age babes. So many of them (most reluctantly) admit many nights their kiddies make their way to their bed as well. If this co-sleeping/bedsharing/nighttime parenting is such a common occurance why is it still so taboo? Why do others (often from other generations or those without children) look so negatively upon this? While I know there arenmany people who chose to nighttime parent in other ways that do not include bedsharing, and I think that is awesome if thats working for all of you, I think its much more common then a lot of people realize. I have decided (once again, after all we've been here before) that I am embracing this. As I was receantly reminded by Mckmama I am going to miss this soon, much sooner then I would like. There is so much from this past year that I miss aleady.


Elizabeth said...

Your description of Logan snuggled in between you and your husband warmed my heart. I bet you are right that he needs that extra love, even if it's while he's sleeping. This is why I don't let what some people say about my parenting style get to me; we are the mommas and we know best! :)

Jillian said...

I think you can co-sleep with your baby as long as they are sleeping well! But I also think that it is important for you and your husband to have "your" time and that is hard when you have a baby in your bed! And if you, him or your husband start sleeping poorly then maybe there should be a change! I could never have Emerson in my bed! I like my space and my husband is a light sleeper (so he would never sleep)! But if it works and you are all sleeping well then more power to you! Just make sure you guys have "your" time because as a couple that is important! As important as your baby boy:)

Sar(Mrs.Teddy) said...

Thanks Jillian! I agree thats why we have gone back and forth from it working to not. And thats why its so crucial that he go to bed earlier in the evening so we can have our important couple time!