Saturday, May 1, 2010

In search of balance

Logan is an amazing little eater, most people are just shocked when they see him eat. I am so happy with our decision to take a BLW approach. Logan eats everything we eat. He seems to like everything except avocado. We are up to 3 solid meals a day plus one or two snacks, depending on our schedule. He is still nursing 4-7 times in 24 hrs and sometimes takes a bottle of formula before bed. His favourite foods seem to be broccoli, corn, chicken and yogurt.

Logan is oh so busy these days! Wonderful and sweet and just non stop. He is crawling now, full on up on all 4's crawling! He is fast too, especially when going after the cat, cat food or anything electronic! He is pulling up a ton too, on everything, from the couch to his toys, to the wall! He can get back down efficiently and has even mastered squatting to pick up a toy and getting back up one handed. It just amazes me. I am so in love with this little man.

You would think with all this non stop activity and eating that the boy would be a good sleeper, I now I'm exhausted just trying to keep up to him! However sleep is where we are struggling these days. Logan is a busy body, a social bug, he likes to be out and about, the days we stay home he is unsettled and cranky. When we aer out he naps wen he is tired and is pretty flexible about where, even if he misses a nap he is pretty happy and content to be out. Bedtime is another issue....

We are back to co-sleeping, this in itself is not such an issue for me. The problem is Logan will not fall asleep or stay asleep unless I am in bed with him, and he is touching me. After a 2 hr struggle between the crib, our bed and my arms my sweet boy is finally asleep, beside me. As I sit here in the dimly lit room looking at his sweet face and his hand gently resting against me I think back over the last 9 months. They have just gone by in a blink. I am trying to remind myself of this. I am trying to tell myself to stop, to savour him. He won't always want to be so close, I will crave this one day. I will think back and have trouble remembering his sweet body curled up against me. Perhaps I need to stop fighting it, perhaps I need to find a compromise.

My struggle is my feelings of being overwhelmed. I love Logan, I love motherhood. Some very rare days it goes epically well. I have a happy baby, who naps, and plays and I have a tidy house and laundry folded and dinner cooking. I wish this happened more, most days I feel I just can't keep up. Most days I have a baby who just wants his momma, and most days this is more frustrating then it should be. Most days there are dishes in the sink, laundry piled in baskets needing to be folded, laundry in the washer now needing another rinse cycles, floors needing to be swept, toys needing to be tidied, and a dinner consisting of sandwiches, or take out. I always thought I would be the all together mom, the mom with a baby on a happy schedule, a sparkly house, and of course I would look just great, I won't even get into how I look....

I need more nights like tonight, when I realize that the laundry and the dishes and the floor can wait. That my sweet sleeping boy wont' always need his momma as he does now. I need to learn to ask for more help from my husband. I need to learn to manage things better during the day and perhaps to find a better purpose to an evening in bed beside my Logan. These days too are numbered, in 3 short months I will be back at work and looking back at this time and missing it.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

Sar - you are doing a wonderful job and you are a wonderful mother!!! *hugs* You would be shocked if you saw the state of my house. My parents just came up to help us clean and unpack and we put away some laundry and my mom said she swore there was at least 10 loads worth. Yes, I hadn't put it all away in close to 2 weeks!!!! There's just never enough time in the day.