Recently I have made some comments about my job, thats its taking away from our family, that I feel perhaps its not my forever job.
In my heart I would love to be a SAHM, however for many reasons I cannot. I am still paying off my student loan, I at least have to continue working until that is done. Also we use my income for the extras, trips, eating out, gift buying, things of course that are not necessities but things we believe enrich Logan's life.
I am so blessed that I work part time, this ends of being 2-4 12 hour shifts a week. These are LONG days away from my boy. I do a variety of shifts at no set rotation and am expected to work at least every other weekend, as well as rotating holidays. This is hard, but since Les is a nurse as well it works for us, for now at least.
We have been doing a lot of soul searching, Les too feels a change is in his heart. However the change he is considering, which I may talk abotu more when we have more of a timeline, would still entail shift work and holidays.
As I talked about before I am working toward my Lactation Counsultant certification, I will be writing an exam in July that will certify me internationally. Breastfeeding is a truw passion of mine, my direction with this however is unclear. While there is a need for LCs in our area, even our hospital there is no funding and therefore no jobs, at least not currently.
And so I have been strongly considering going back to school. I was accepted to the Master's program when I finsihed my BScN almost 5 years ago. At the time i decided to defer my acceptance in favour of focusing on my bedside skill set and I am glad I did I have grown so much as a nurse.
I am not so sure thats the direction I want to take, havign my Masters Degree would open doors in teaching and perhaps middle management positions, I am not confident this is where I want to be either. And so I have been thinking about the Nurse Practitioner Program. It would be one year full time, a full year from September to the following August. I woudl also need to continue working part time. And you know of course be a wife and mother in my spare time. This is so daunting to me. The cost will be great, both financially (the tuition plus I will have to cut back my hours a bit) and of course on our family. I will be in school and studying a lot.
This breaks my heart. Logan will only be this age this once. School or the option of it, will always be there. Perhaps I should spend these yers focusing on our home and our family, continue working part time and re explore my options later. Perhaps in the meantime the LC thing will open up some doors. I am just so torn. I do love what I do, however there are a lot of other politics type issues, and just mean cattyness that I could do without.
I want to do what is best for all of us, I just keep debating on what the right decision is. I have to decide very very soon. Like this week if I am going to apply in time, should I chose to do that.
My other fears are that I will make all of these sacrifices and then there won't be funding for NP jobs either, or that I will have to work in an area I don't love as much as I so women's health.
Back ot my husband for just a moment-when he graduated he took a full time job in an area he did not like, so that I could continue working part time in an area I loved. I now he is considering finally making some changes to make himself happier and I decide I am unhappy as well? Perhaps its my time to sacrifice to dedicate myself to my work, my home and helping him reach his goals, because if those are met perhaps other doors will be opened as well....
I am praying on this issue and ask for your prayers too, and honestly I know this was long and probably chaotic but your thoughts and advice are so so needed.
And then he cried....
