Thursday, February 12, 2009

Freaking out

I am relly freaking out & feeling very out of control. Last night I started with a small amount of what looked like brown discharge, this morning it is obviously brown spotting. I know brown means old blood & that brown is better then red, but its still so scary. I feel helpless. All I can do is pray & rest, which I am. I have put myself on bedrest of sorts, just taking it easy. Its hard eign in the Philippines & havign this happen, I can't call my doctor orgo for an ultrasound, or jsut have the comforts of home. I have been under a lot of stress, getting along with my in-laws can be difficult at the best of times. I think my body has been under a lot of physical stress as well. We have long days, spendign hours in a car on bumpy rides, unable to drink enough because of the frequesnt need to pee, I am sure I am dehydrated. Also I have not been eatign properl, at no fault of my own. All I am fed is white rice & various meats Almost no fruits or vegetables, it just hwo they eat here, it is also hard to get. As a result of this low fiber diet I have been very constipated, causing cramps. As of now it seems to be slowing, its jsut spotting when I wipe. I keep praing it stops. I could go to the ER here but if I am misscarrying there is nothing they can do, I do not want to be exposed to any illness there and If the worst is true I do not want to deal with it here. I want to be home with my family, my docotor. I am trying so hard to stay positive. I have still been experiencing headaches & nausea & my belly has definetly grown. I have read probably WAY too much on the internet explaining many possible causes. One site did say that even if you have spotting if you have had an ultrsound between 7&11 weeks with a good heartbeat the chances of the pregnancy continuing healthy is over 90%. I am holding on to that. I leave here early Monday morning, its Friday morning now, just a few more days till I am headed to my comfort zone. Also, Tuesday I see my doctor & have a ultrasound, so hopefully I get reassurance then. For now I will continue to rest I pray no more long excursions, no more stress. Rest & Hydratio are my goals until deprture.
My Baby Bear, I love you so very much already. Mommy hs so many plans for all of the wonderful things we are going to do together. Please stay healthy & strong in there, mommy will do everything she can fromout here. Please Jesus, send angels to look after my baby, let it be healthy & let this bleeding stop. All good & precious things come from above. I lay my worry at your feet dear God, please take it from me..Amen

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