Happy Days :)

I know receantly I have written a few posts about how we are struggling a bit. Perhaps I am focusing too much on what I feel I'm not achieving, too much on the negative. Perhaps I need to focus on the fun, remind myself of how in love we all really are. Life just gets too busy some days and you forget about the little things, and the little things often really are the best. I'm going to keep it real, its not all puppy dogs and rainbows, life is tough, being a mommy is the hardest work ever, and in the same moment the greatest joy I have ever known.

We have lots of fun, we shop and celebrate our Canadian and Filipino heritage!
We do day trips to the zoo and ride on the carousel, which my boy LOVED.

We bath with our baby. He loves it, he loves the water deep, up to his neck, he sticks his head under the faucet. He splashes and plays, and blows bubbles in the water. I read an awesome blog a while back, if I can find the linky later I will add it. Its a daddy and he wrote about how children need our love, our attention and touch. A loving touch does so much for their young souls, we drown him in kisses and affection.

I have 14 more pages to do in Logan's first year book, and then many more for the next! I can't wait till its done, not sure if I will make my Christmas deadline or not!

However I have found many other things I can do with my scraping, including these mug inserts! last year for Christmas I made Les a mug, as well as the grandparents. These are starbucks mugs, you can buy similar ones a bit cheaper at Target or Meijers. Of course you could make any insert, but I love how these turned out! I made mine first and then Les asked for one too!

This is my mug!

I just found a template online for photoshop (it was free!) and went to work, here is Les'

And here is mine before it went in the mug....

Everyone at work always comments on these, and of course I love to look at my family when I am away from them!

mama guilt

I suffer from some serious mama guilt. Do all mama's experience this? I just feel like I'm not enough, not good enough, don't do enough. And this guilt extends, spills over into the rest of my life. Clearly I'm still strugglling. I'm working on it. I am making an effort. I know for sure my husband would tell you our marriage needs more work, much much more work, and more time.

I had the opporunity to spend time with another mama today, and she shared with me that she has faced similar struggles. And while it makes me sad to know that, it makes me feel

better too. Less alone, reassurance that this is normal, hope that it shall pass. She told me (and she's not the first mama friend to say this) that I seem like I have it all together. What a facad I am keeping up! I feel like I am falling apart.

But the guilt....

Guilt over not interacting with him enough, allowing him to perhaps watch a bit too much TV. Or to occupy himself with (perhaps unsafe) play places, like my kitchen cupboards.
Guilt over not feeding him well enough. He eats fairly good and most meals, most days I ensure are well balanced. But I give him treats, like double fisting ice cream cones, or cookies and other sweets. Or maybe even (gasp) McDonalds for dinner when we've both worked all day.
What happened to my grand plans of pre planning and cooking and freezing healthy and nutritious meals?

Guilt over the car, he's still rear facing, its safer, period. I get SO MANY eye rolls. Guilt over the screaming that ensues with many car trips. Guilt over the treats I give him in the attempt to prevent the screaming, or the DVDs he watches. Or him falling asleep at unscheduled naptimes (like we have a schedule anymore!).

I could go on, seriously. I feel so much guilt. I want to be better at it all. I see other mamas with babes Logan's age planning or working on their 2nd babies and then I feel guilt that I'm jsut not ready to have another right now. That in all honesty I don't think my marriage could survive it. IS that fair to Logan? Doesn't he deserve to grow up with a sibling?

He deserves healthy home cooked meals, and loving PATIENT parents, where oh where is my patience with these tantrums? He deserves a schedule and a set bedtime and all of the things I imagined I would do and be. I feel like he deserves better, and yet I know no one could ever ever love him the way I do. Its a feirce mama love I just want the very best for my boy. Perhaps I am setting my own standard too high? WHo knows....

The Great Pumpkin!

Our little mouse was an excellent trick or treater! He walked the entire way, our street and the next! He loved going to each door, and wanted to go right in each house!
He was absolutely adorable!

The fuel of a loli pop helped with the walk LOL! Logan does REALLY like sweets so we work to make them a special treat, he does have his daddy's sweet tooth!

A year ago a read this wonderful idea on a mama blog (this awesome mama doesn't blog anymore and I MISS her!!) She wrote about the traiditon of the Great Pumpkin, after a little indulging following trick or treating (the lollipop and some smarties here) you leave your loot

on the porch and while you sleep the great pumpkin will take it in exchange for a gift!

While L is still al ittle young to understand this I wanted to start the tradition.

So after trick or treating we left his candy out on the porch for the Great Pumpkin....

And in the morning, he was ADORABLE! I can't wait till next year when he understands a little better!

Is this for me mama??

A new firetruck! Which he LOVES.

Les & I sorted thru the candy got rid of a lot of it and kept a bit to ration to him & ourselves at our discretion.