My life long struggle

I have struggled with my weight since puberty. As a child I was thin, it was never soemthign I worried about. Perhaps because of our active lifestyle (we didn't have a car until I was in the 6th grade!) and our lack of money that led to healthier eating!? Who knows.

Around grade 8, I was about 13 I started gaining weight. I actually had to go out and buy a second graduation dress because my first purchase became to tight in the months leading up to graduation. This is when I began to diet. I have "dieted" off and on ever since.

There have been times I have been succesful, in grade 9 I slimmed down, I was a healthy weight. And then in grade 10 after a "bad" break up I decided to lose, I became obsessed. I had a problem. I never admitted it, I'm not even sure that at the time I realized what I was doing was so unhealthy. I ate little, no breakfast ever. At school I ate lunch, usually veggies or soup. I worked out, at night I purged and then often made myself sick. I made myself to crunches for every pound I weighed. At the time this was about 125 crunches, on my 5'3" frame this was a healthy weight. It quickly fell to about 105.

Thats what I weighed when I started dating Les. I wore a size 0 jeans from the Gap. I was tiny. I looked so petite. I loved it. I finally felt cute and yet not confident, I was always so unsure of myself. It didn't last. A few years later in grade 12 I remember I all of a sudden realized how "Fat" I had become. We were planning a trip to Acapulco, our entire class. I had to lose weight. I remember how devestated I was shoppign for clothes and them being a size 7. I weighed about 130 lbs and I was disgusted. I got some weight off again, but never got as small as I had, or as small as I wanted to be.

I tried everything, crash diets, shakes, weight watchers. But I have always goen back to terrible habits and emotional eating. My weight has largely fluctuated all of my adult life.

Fast forward to University, the weight continued to go up and down, I did some herbal diet that was successful up until when I stopped and gained it all back. In 2005 I went to Sweden on exchange, I left here weighing my heaviest ever (at the time) of around 170 lbs.

Whiel in Sweden I was SO lonely. I worked out a healthy amount everyday and cooked good whole foods, I came home about 20lbs lighter. I felt good, I was happy to be home, and the weight came back slowly.

In 2006 when I got engaged I was unhappy an in the 160s. I deicded to join weight watchers and to start moving, I had success, healthy succes, here is Les and I just prior to our engagement party, Spring 2007. Les had lost 70lbs himself in this same time that I last about 15 or 20.

Somehow, again I let the weight coem back. And months before my wedding was devestated to learn my wedding dress did not fit. Every brides night mare!

With the help of a personal trainer, and healthy eating I lost 20 lbs and got down to about 150 and fit into my dress. You would think I would learn at some point.

And yet in the 6 months after my wedding I managed to gain about 30lbs. As did Les.

December 2008 I got pregnant and weighed 188lbs, my highest weight ever.

July 2009 Logan was born, I weighed 204 lbs. I was disgusted.

At my 6 week post partum check up I weighed exaclty what I did when I got pregnant, I can't blame L for this! I joined weight watchers Fall 2009 half heartedly, I worked out and did manage to lose about 10 or 15 lbs. And then I stopped, and the weight came back.

This is Les and I this past fall, I hate how we look. I am ready (finally hopefully forever) to change. I am hoping that L is my strongest motivator ever. I am sick of hating picutes, of hating myself. I want to have energy for my boy.

But it goes beyond that. Both my Maternal and Paternal grandmothers are morbidly obese (I am talking 300-400 lbs) this scares me. Les and his family members have similarly struggled with their weight. Poor L has crappy genes. I have to at least give him healthy lifestyle habits and lead by example. We all deserve it.

I have once again (FOR THE LAST TIME!!) joined weight watchers. My work offered the program, I got a great deal ($200 for 22 weeks!) and the fees are taken right off my payroll.

I started 2 weeks ago, I love the new program! I weighed in at 188.8 lbs on week one. Today I am at 182.8, thats a 6 lbs loss in 2 weeks! We have all been eating much healthy, its becoming a way of life.

As soon as the warm weather hits I'm adding exercise to the plan. I deserve this, and most importantly so does L!

If you made it this far, thanks. I will keep you updated as I continue on my journey!

Great Expectations

I know, I should be ashamed! Ha Life is crazy, and yet its no excuse. We just have SO much going on, and too think very soon its going to be even crazier (nope not #2! Just work/school, etc).

I have so many blog posts started that I haven't finished and so many blog ides in my head that I haven't gotten out....

Mr. Logan is 19 months old!

He is full of fun and curiousity and he is super indpendent! he wants to do everything himself, even things he can't do!

He wants to pick out his own clothes and attempt to dress himself!

He feeds himself and even likes to get his plate and bowl from his drawer and set the table!

He is talking a lot more these days and starting to really converse.

He is IN LOVE with Toy Story and refers to the movie (any of the 3), Woody and Buzz all as "Buddy" he asks for it constantly. He carries a Woody and/or buddy doll everywhere and sleeps with them as well.

He has a baby doll that he loves on, and sleeps with. I love this and am totally happy that my boy can be so nurturing. He shares his blankets and even his beloved "guk" (pacifier) with it!

He is getting into a lot of trouble these days just because of his curiousity and strong will!

He is super affectionate and cuddly.

He sleeps in a big boy bed. We have established a good bedtime routine and it goes really smoothly, he sleeps alone at least half if not more of the night, one of us often end up in there before morning, or early morning, which we are fine with.

Here are a ew photos from this week!

Logan dressed himself! he is obsessed with boots and wants to wear them everyday!

Climbing, he climbs everything!

Naptime, you can see baby is right beside him and Buddy isn't too far away!

I wanted to write a little bit about parenting. As I have said before I don't feel that I follow a particular philosophy, I do what feels right to us.
I have been reading other mommy blogs and speaking with some RL mommy friends and I realized something. I think we should EXPECT great things of our children, and perhaps we will just give them the opportunity to surprise us (hopefully pleasently).
This came about when I was talkign about Logan's current love of salad (seriously what kid LOVES salad, he does!) and she asked how he eats it. I answered "with a fork" since he indepdently feeds himself with cutlery at each meal (it can get messy but he and I wouldn't have it any other way). She told me she felt her son (4 days older then L) could not feed himself, that she spoon feeds him baby food 3 times a day still and offers small finger foods such as cheerios as a snack. I am not criticizing here, please dont' read it that way-and if your LO is still spoon fed thats OK if it works for you. But I said to her what if you just tried it, handed him a spoon you may be surprised.
I have decided to take on this mind set. I expect L (within reason) to make good decisions and have good behaviours. To go to bed on time (after his stories and lullabies). Often I can directly relate his "bad" behaviours with him being overtired, hungry etc, often situations that we created for him.
I hope this works into potty training this summer as well!
We have been doing time outs for some time and when placed in time out (at times i even "send him" and he just goes and sits) he will pout, but usually not cry, he sits for a minute and then I talk to him and he says sorry and hugs me. It really redirects his behaviours quickly.
Last night he had his first time out at a restuarant and it went well, no tears, just some puting followed by a hug and a refreshed well behaved L at the table! I was so proud!

Lastly, today is my birthday! I am 28! We aren't doing anything too special, just being a family and enjoying a pancake dinner!
I have started WW and hope to update this week about it!

Happy Valentines!!

Happy Valentines Day!

My sweet boy is finally feeling better! We have been back to the allergist and I will be updating very soon!

But today, today was all about the love. Our love! He lights up our world.

Today wasn't very romantic, but it was absolutely perfect! Exactly how we wanted it to be!

This morning L woke up and coloured some valentines crafts, Toy Story of course!

This is his new favourite thing!

At breakfast I asked what he wanted and his answer was cake! Oh my! This boy has his mama's sweet tooth! He settled for yogurt, bananas and a peanut butter bagel, but never forgot about the cake! ha! SO after lunch he got his valentine treat, a chocolate cupcake! Look at that smile!
And then we dressed in red and headed out, just a nice afternoon. We got starbucks and walked the mall, and let L play for a bit in the play area. Then we went to dinner just the three of us.
We went to a chinese buffet and apparently L likes sushi (vegetarian, no raw fish of course) he ate 3 peices of cucumber rolls! And a bunch of Low mein noodles and veggies!

Then we all came home and snuggled together, what a wonderful day with my boys!

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentines as well!

Rough Week

We have had a VERY rough week. The few pictures I have to prove it are on my iphone, which in coordination with the rest of my week I have lost my USB cable (AKA charger), so I have a very useful paper weight until I find it!

My poor sweet boy is very sick, he is finally feeling a bit better after 4 long days in the hospital. He has RSV ( a common virus that just hit him HARD) as well as pnuemonia. When I brrought him in ( I feel so so guilty) he was so dehydrated and his oxygen saturation was low. He was immediatly admitted, put on IV fluids, antibiotics and oxygen therapy. After 2 full days of sleeping in hospital, after lots of sleep at home (he slept almost stright thru from Wed-Saturday) he finally started ot come around Saturday night, and Sunday morning he finally ate and drank, and sat up!

He is home now, and still not himself. He is eating and drinking with lots of coaxing, he is still very weak and having trouble walking. Its completely heart breaking. It was so scary how fast he got so sick.

His fever started Sunday afternoon, Sunday night he threw up once. Monday his fever continued, he was still drinking at that point but was breathing very very fast, almost struggling. We went to our family doctor. He said it was a virus (most likely stomach flu since he vomited) and the breathing was due to the temp. Sent us home with an antibiotic to only start using if the fever pesisted for 48 more hours AND other signs of a respiratory illness showed up). Tuesday he started with a slight cough, the fever persisted and he stopped drinking, he didn't pee for 12 hrs and I almost took him in. Then Les got him to drink a little and he peed so I went in for midnights. Wednesday he drank a little, his fever continued and his breathing was still fast and his cough was worse so we started the antibiotic. He went to my mom's because Les & I both worked midnights. Thursday monring my mom called me, woke me up after only 2-3 hours sleep and told me she felt I needed to take him to the emergency room, that he was very ill. He hadn't peed since the previous night and although Wed PM he let her feed him and drank a little it had been over 12 horus and he was just sleeping and seemed to be having trouble breathing. I headed straight there and called our doc on the way, he wanted us to go in his office, he had been on the antibiotics for over 24 hrs at this point, fever was high and more concerning he was so lethargic. He took one look, listened to his chest and told me to go straight to the pediatric unit of the hospital, he woudl call and make the necessary arrangements, he believed it was pnuemonia. He told me to drive straight to the hospital, not to stop. When I got there they did a chest xray, listened to his chest and could see how sick he was just by how he was laying inmy arms, we were admitted and the IV was started.

It was a long rough four days, but was what he needed. I was so scared to see him that sick. It broke my heart. Thank God he is starting to feel better.

modern baby shower! (and something exciting!!) **video included**

On Friday my little sister got engaged!! On Sunday she left me this card, how adorable is it? I am so excited for her and my future brother and law! And since they set a date of

November 19, 2011 I think we aer going to have a very busy year!

I have been SUPER busy lately helping plan and organize a baby shower for one of my best friends, I am just thrilled with how it all turned out!

This is the invitation I designed in photoshop, we prrinted it on cardstock and sent them

out in lime green envelopes.

When she told me she wanted to incorporate black and have a modern theme I was thrown off but I think it turned out awesome!

We had it at a local restaurant, I am so happy with it that I am considering having my sisters bridal shower there! This is one half of the room, we kept it simple, modern and chic. Black and white table cloths with pops of lime green & silver!

This is the diaper cake that I made for them, we put it in the entry way as part of the decor.

Hand made banner above the head table.

The head table with the banner above it, centrepiecce and flowers.

Beautiful maternity photo framed for guests to sign, will look awesome in the nursery!

flower arrangement we did, just bought the flowers from costco and assembled in vases.

Centrepieces, they are sugar cookie bouqets. My mom & I made the cookies, just bake your favourite sugar cookies on a stick (skewer) dip the skewers in egg whites to help the cookies stick. We did most of them with sugar before baking and about 1/3 of them icing after. We added chocolate molds a friend made and silver twisty sticks from Michaels to make them look more polished. These are about $5-6 dollars each to make!

Water bottles I made to coordinate with the theme.

cloe up of the water bottles. I think these are an easy way to add a really chic and

personal touch to any event!

Candy bar in matching colours. This was the favour, it went over really well. I had all these glass containers from my wedding, this is the 3rd candy bar they have been used for! I love the look of this one!

close up of the candy bar. This went with the "sweet baby" theme.

Sweet room! The cake, water bottles, fruit platters, candy buffer and coffee/tea service looked great set up in here!

Some of the prizes for guests all wrapped in coordinating ribbon.

The tables. On each place setting was a lime green envelope for the custom thank yous I am making, it added a great pop to each place setting!

Head table from another angle!
THE cake! Once cut it woudl reveal whether there was a boy or girl to

be expected. This was absolutely the BEST element of the shower.

No one knew what the gender of the baby was not even the parents to be!

They had the ultrasound tech seal it in an envelope back in October, and it then went

to the cake decorator who didn't open it until 2 days before the shower!

Beautiful bump and THE cake...

Mommy and Daddy to be cutting the cake for the big reveal!

I LOVE this she was SHOCKED!!

Pink!!! Its a girl!

Here is a short video of the cake cutting, the mama to be was sure it was a boy

and is still shocked and thrilled to learn she is having a little princess!

Allergist update & Big changes!

The allergist appointment went very well, and there is good news for this fur baby above! Logan has NO allergies, including cats! We were very relieved to find this out!

The doctor thinks that most of Logan's troubles are related to post nasal drip. His nose is the problem! So we are doign sinus rinses daily (he is actually doing really really well with this) as well as Nasonex spray twice daily. We will see, hopefully this helps a lot!

Logan will be 18 months later this month and I just can't believe the changes we are seeing in him all of a sudden! He is really acting like a boy these days!

He is talking more and he understands everything we tell him. He is even able to follow a two step command. Such as "Go and get your cup and give it to daddy".

I will update on all of his current and stats after his appointment on the 24th

But we have had 2 big changes that can't wait till then! We decided to get rid of the high chair. I have always hated it and was just done with it in my kitchen and so I used our portable booster as a trial at the table and its been great! We are going to buy a permanent booster so that this one can remain in the car, its too much trouble to bring it back and forth!

And the other big news!? NO MORE BOTTLES! I can't believe how easy this transition was! I have to give Mr.Logan all the credit! He was down to 2 bottles a day, first thing in the AM and in the evening before bed. Well one night I gave him his bottle and he just kinda played with it and chewed on it, I even checked the nipple to see if it was working, and it was. Then he handed it back to me and asked for a cup. I poured it into a cup and he drank it. He did that twice more before I said to Les OK thats it lets pack up the bottles. And we haven't looked back, that was about 5 days ago! I am so proud of him! Lets hope getting rid of his guck goes as smoothly (soemthing tells me it won't!!)

Finally, a photo that made daddy's heart soar! A friend gave Logan a golf set for Christmas and Logan LOVES it, he does really well with it, except he is left handed it appears so he is holding it backwards. Les took out his putter, and they were playing together in the living room, then later this morning Les went into our room to find this!:

haha I guess Logan thought his club belonged with daddy's! melts my heart!

Updates

I feel like I am always saying this, but we are busy! Logan is so much fun these days!

He is developing quite the little personality, he loves to make us laugh,

and is such a little ham!

Things are good on the home front, the organized (somewhat) chaos of everyday life. I *think I have made soem school/career decisions and I have applications in the works. I will share more once I have confirmation of acceptance or any other news!

Here is Logan being a little monkey, he loves playing with stickers and putting them all over his face! He thinks he is hilarious! He got very upset with me when I made him take them off before we went out for the day.
Here he is with 2 "gucks" as we call them. I decided to start trying to wean him from the paci, oh boy does he love his paci! I try to limit it to bed & in the car but when he's not feeling well, which is often I let him have it in between. Well I noticed when I limit his time with it he starts sucking his thumb, and with the cold and his (suspected) eczema he now has a very raw cracked bleeding thumb. And so, he got the guck back, with no limits. We will tackle that battle at a further date!

I am not sure how much i have talked about Logan's breathing issues on here. But we have been struggle with a cough and runny nose as well as sneezing for 9 months. I am exhausted. He coughs so hard that he vomits several times a week (twice today already). I suspect asthma/allergies. We have been treating him with meds as it were this but at my request (insistence) we are going for allergy testing. The referal was sent November 24th, the appointment we got was for June 30th! I am serious. How awful is that! Thank God that he sent a friend to intervene, who knows someone in the office and made a call. We are going TOMORROW! I can't wait to get some answers!!

On a very sad note, Les' "Tatay" (Grandpa) passed away this morning in the Philippines. He woudl have been 98 in March. He had been sick since New Years Eve when he had a heart attack, he was ready to go to Heaven and be reunited with his wife.
Les' parents are on their way to the Philippines now for the funeral. We are not going, we will be holding a mass in his honour next week, and just spending some family time together. Les & his grandfather were very close, he lived with them thru Les' childhood. Please keep his family in your prayers. I am so thankful that we made a trip to the Philippines 2 years ago and visited him. What a wonderful memory, I was just pregnant in this photo and he was so excited to hear that news!